Monday, September 10, 2007

Some Interesting Facts About My New Home State

Well, since my last post, I have decided to move to the great state of North Carolina, thanks in large part to the Appalachian State University Mountaineers football team's stunning upset of the Michigan Wolverines at the Big House 2 weeks ago. I have recently submitted my application for admission to "App State's" Master's degree in Industrial Technology. Combined with my degree in Women's Studies, it makes for a potent combination of sassy post-modern feminism with the practicality of diesel engine maintenance. My plan is to work on becoming a shop teacher. Not at the high school level though, because I don't want to end up like Mary Kay Letourneau and fall in love with a 12-year old Lothario. They have a program for the JUCO level. That way, if a musky-scented grease monkey gets me hot under the collar and I fall prey to the classic May/December Teacher/Student romance, I can't go to jail. I probably won't even get fired. When I was in college, my friend Linda "Easy" DiNunzio (from Jersey, that hussy) needed to get an A on the final to pass Psychology. She never even bought the book, so she went to see the professor during office hours for a little "extra credit." Let's just say that she got a C in the class (and chlamydia because that professor was a randy dude...the gift that just keeps on giving). Here's a link to my degree program http://www.tec.appstate.edu/ma/degrees.html


I've been doing some basic research on my new prospective home. I know all of the vital stuff for my home state of Idaho.
  • State bird - Mountain Bluebird
  • State flower - Syringa
  • State tree - Western White Pine
  • State nickname - Gem State
  • State motto - "Esto perpetua" - May it endure forever
  • State insect - Monarch butterfly

I had to look up the same information for "Nawth Cawlina"

  • State bird - Cardinal
  • State flower - Flowering dogwood
  • State tree - Longleaf Pine
  • State nickname - Tarheel State
  • State motto - "Esse quam videri" - To be rather than to seem (WTF?!?)
  • State insect - they don't have one, so I appoint the Hissing Cockroach as the official insect of North Carolina

North Carolina was the birthplace of James K. Polk, 11th President of the United States, and Andrew Johnson the 17th President and the first one to be impeached (the dude who was President after Lincoln was shot). Major in industries include tobbaco and poultry farming, as well as blueberries, strawberries, textiles and furniture. At 53,821 square miles, North Carolina is the 28th largest state in the US. They invented friggin' Krispy Kremes in NC...holla! North Carolina is also the birthplace of some of the hottest celebrities and athletes:

  • Jaime Pressly
  • Andy Griffith
  • Michael Jordan
  • Sandra Bullock
  • Howard Cosell
  • Clay Aiken
  • Dale Earnhardt, Sr.
  • Roberta Flack
  • Catfish Hunter
I had to admit that when I found out that Jaime Pressly was a native North Carolinian, I became very excited. I'm not gay or anything, but if I got Jaime alone in a hotel room, I would totally kiss her on the mouth. She is just that hot. In fact, I'm planning a road trip to her home town of Kinston, NC to see if I can find the house she grew up in. I may try and slip down to the high school and see if I can find out which locker was hers to see if I can absorb any residual energy that she may have left behind. Any woman strong enough to tell Howard Stern on the air that he was so ugly that he "got slapped by the Jew stick" could totally kick your ass in a fight to the death. In fact, I think that if you matched her up against Sandra Bullock in a death match that Jaime would win, despite Sandra's marriage to renowned bad boy Jesse James. No doubt she picked up a few garage moves like cold-cocking you with some angle iron, but Jaime is pure white trash: she was emancipated from her parents at age 15 and was doing nude modeling by age 19. She knows how to beat the pus out of you and gouge out an eye or two. Oh yeah, she's lethal. This road trip is going to be awesome!


No comments: