New TV Shows That Look Like They Will Suck

I don't get out much (what with my one leg and all), so I have become a consumer of entertainment. I like all forms of entertainment: music, movies, plays, art, etc., but my favorite has always been and will continue to be TV. TV, for better or worse, is the barometer of American culture. TV has always been scandalous. Even in the "golden age" of television, there were groundbreaking shows. Take for instance I Love Lucy. That was the first show on TV that had a character that was pregnant. Before that, pregnancy was totally taboo and could not be on the air. They threatened to shut down the show if Lucille Ball went on the air pregnant. Then there were shows like All in the Family which starred a bigot that became the highest-rated show on TV for years! In recent years, most of the shows that debut in the September/October season premiers tank and are cancelled and replaced by better shows called mid season replacements. Mid season replacements; what a concept. What other business can say that they know most of their products will tank so here's something that has a better chance of working out but we'll keep it hidden away until we need it. Why don't they just start out with the mid season replacements instead? But I digress. Some of the shows are so bad that they get cancelled after 1 or 2 episodes. Some recent victims of the 1 episode run include:

• Emily's Reasons Why Not (2006) - it starred Heather Graham as a single, career woman unlucky in love who employs a list-making system designed to serve as an internal warning on when it's time to cut bait and move on...apparently ABC decided to move on as well.
• Lawless (1997) - an action series starring Brian Bosworth (formerly of the Seattle Seahawks) as, get this, a private investigator. As with most hack shows, it was on FOX.
• Who's Your Daddy (2005) - a reality series on FOX (surprised?) that involved an adopted woman trying to pick her biological father out of a group of impostors. The show attracted protest from adoptive families and adoption-rights groups before airing. This combined with the fact that the first episode had poor ratings caused the five additional episodes to be permanently shelved from the network.
• Anchorwoman: The TV Show (2007) - a reality series about former WWE model Lauren Jones, who became a television news anchor. The show was canceled by(guess who) FOX today, just one day following its 8/22 premiere, due to a disappointing 2.0 rating.

The opposite is true of TV shows as well. There are plenty of good shows that I have loved that got cancelled despite critical acclaim. Shows like Arrested Development, Firefly, and Freaks & Geeks. Each August as the networks start trotting out the trailers for their new shows, there are always some that leave me wondering how in the hell did that show ever make it to prime time? This year is no different.

• Chuck (NBC Mondays @ 8/7C) - A show about a computer geek (works for the "Nerd Herd," a cheap knock-off of Best Buy's "Geek Squad"...they should sue the pants off of NBC) who sees some national secrets and then has a hot CIA agent babysit him to protect him. With a premise that stupid, I give it 6 episodes before it gets cancelled. Now I have been wrong before. I thought My Name Is Earl was going to be cancelled in 6 episodes as well. You can never downplay the appeal of white trash...it's one of the few things that unites us as a country.
• Life (NBC Wednesdays 10/9C) - A show that is too smart for it's own good. It's about a cop that was framed and went to prison for a crime he didn't commit. He then gets out and spends the show trying to solve the crime he went away for. A neat idea, but something tells me that this is a story you can tell in 6 episodes that they will try to stretch into a full 23 episodes that eventually ends up sucking, just like Lost. I give it 7 episodes before it gets cancelled.
• Kid Nation (CBS Wednesdays 8/7C) - This show is already surrounded by controversy and hasn't even aired yet. The premise says it all: 40 kids, 40 days, no adult supervision. They have to make the rules, cook, clean, etc. Child psychologists and parental activists are foaming at the mouth. Whoever green lit this one just got fired. I give it 4 episodes before it gets cancelled.
• Viva Laughlin (CBS Sundays 8/7C) - Are you kidding me? Laughlin?!? I guess Vegas was closed. You can close the book on this pile of crap after 2 episodes.
• Cavemen (ABC Tuesdays 8/7C) - You're not going to believe this, but the Geico "so easy a caveman can do it" ads have spawned their own friggin' TV show. Who says TV execs don't do coke anymore? It's a classic "fish out of water" tale where cavemen work at a modern day office. How many "my girlfriend broke up with me because I hit her over the head with a club again" jokes can you fit into a 30-minute show? You'll have to tune in to find out, but you better hurry, because I think this one gets cancelled after only 1 episode.
• Back To You (FOX Wednesdays 8/7C) - Here's an idea: let's get stars that will forever be known for roles they played on far better shows and are too rich to put any effort into their work anymore and put them together on a show that is guaranteed to bomb. Frazier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) and Deborah Barrone (Patricia Heaton) are anchorpersons (anchorpeople?) that hate each other. I liked it the first time when it had nudity and swearing and it was called Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. I give this stinkfest 4 episodes before it gets cancelled due to a total lack of chemistry on the part of the stars.

I'll do an update as the TV season unfolds to see how close my predictions come. If you can think of any other disasters waiting to happen this fall TV season, feel free to comment. Catch you tomorrow!